David Letterman Elvis Top Ten – Elvis Top
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Top Ten Things Elvis Would Say if He Came Back Today
9. What do you know? The Jets still suck
8. I’m hungry — is there are any food stuck in my sideburns?
7. I can’t believe I missed the McRib Sandwich!
6. Who’s this ‘Richard Simmons,’ and why’s he keep trying to hug me?
5. I’ve been dead 38 years, – of course I want fries with that!
4. Heaven was great until that freaky bastard Tiny Tim showed up
3. That Letterman punk’s on the TV — where’s my revolver?
2. I haven’t been dead — I’ve been starring in a series on CBS
1. Lisa Marie married who? Top Ten Things Elvis Would Say if He Came Back Today
10. Maybe I should get me one of them Wonderbras
9. Sonny, Red, help me brush the dirt out of my sideburns
8. This new President and I disagree on a lot of things, but french fries ain’t one of them
7. Is there something I just don’t get about Pauly Shore?
6. What happened to Ed Sullivan, and who’s that dork using his theater?
5. Can I get that Miata in pink?
4. What’s my old smokin’ buddy Suzie Molinari doin’ these days?
3. All you people who thought I was alive this whole time — you morons!
2. I’d heard Lisa Marie married Michael Jackson, but this guy in the wedding photos is white
1. Bob Dole? Didn’t I meet him back when I was dead?
Top Ten Things Overheard at Graceland on Elvis’ 60th Birthday
10. It’s incredible — he’s actually gained weight since he died!
9. Did that recipe call for eight or nine cups of lard?
8. I’m sorry, Mr. Jackson, the monkey will have to wait outside the gate.
7. I hear Elvis’ ghost just signed an endorsement deal with Zima.
6. Put that gun away — this ain’t the White House.
5. Amazing! His bedroom still smells like peanut butter!
4. My name is Mario Cuomo, and I’ll be your Graceland tour guide.
3. It could’ve been worse. She could have married Tito.
2. If Elvis were alive, he’d be perfect for playing ‘Would you like to eat that in here?’
1. I’m not an Elvis impersonator, dammit — I’m Roseanne! Top Ten Features Of The New Elvis Theme Resort10. Each room has a combination jacuzzi/deep fryer